


The Greatest Escape Artists in Hellmouth, Utah

by livico



Category: Blaseball (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Hellmouth Sunbeams (Blaseball Team)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:54:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29103633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livico/pseuds/livico
Summary: During the Grand Siesta, the Hellmouth Sunbeams try out a new team building exercise- the Escape Room. Miguel and Iggy push this to its limits.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	The Greatest Escape Artists in Hellmouth, Utah

**Author's Note:**

> This one was a lot of fun to write! The prompt I got for the Sunbeams Winter Art Trade was "Iggy and Miguel doing chaos," and I've been on an escape room kick lately, so I decided to combine these concepts.

“Alright… next up, we have… Iggy and Miguel!” stated Velasquez, lifting his eyes from the clipboard held in his spectral hand. “Time to beat is 31 minutes and 54 seconds, set by Lars and Nerd.”

“Hey, man,” muttered Iggy as they leaned over to Miguel. They gestured towards the door to the small room in front of them, bearing a series of strange decorations with all the windows to the inside being blacked out. “Remind me what the point of this thing is?” 

“What? You don’t know what an escape room is?” responded Miguel, shocked.

“No, no, I don’t think we had those in my universe.”

“Okay, well, okay, uh, the point is, it’s a room, and you- you, uh-”

“Come on, you two!” Velasquez called. “We don’t have all day, we still have Sutton and Eugenia, as well as Zack and Hahn to get through.”

“Right, uh, okay, listen, Iggy, I’ll explain once we’re in there. Just follow my lead!” With one flaming hand, Miguel pushed the door open and the pair entered. The door closed, and Velasquez clicked the stopwatch. Time had begun.

**0 MINUTES**

“What the hell kind of interior design is this?” asked Iggy. “This is- this place looks terrible. Who left all these lockboxes around?”

“The goal here is to, uh, to find the key to the exit,” Miguel replied as she started rifling through cabinets with weird patterns and posters taped on them.

“Why don’t we just ask Velasquez to let us out?”

“That’s not an escape! We gotta escape! The room! It’s called an escape room!”

“Okay, I didn’t bring my locksmithing kit-”

“No, no, we just need to solve the puzzles!”

“Oh. Uhhh… okay.” Iggy awkwardly walked over to one of the lockboxes and picked it up, looking it over. “We… we can do this, how hard can it be?”

**2 MINUTES**

“Miguel, I think it’s hopeless. We’re gonna die in here.” Iggy slumped against a wall and slid down to the floor, staring between their knees at the floor. The lockbox tumbled out of their hands and rattled across the floor. Miguel sighed. 

“Look, there’s… five of these lockboxes, right? That’s… gotta mean something.”

“Like…”

“Like we… we gotta open five lockboxes. That’s a start.”

“Huh? I hadn’t really thought about that.”

Miguel beamed and knelt down to pick up the lockbox. She looked it over and fiddled with the lock, before…

“Hey, Iggy, I have an idea how we can open this!”

**3 MINUTES**

“Is it melting yet?” asked Miguel. He had hunched over and removed his Cool Hat, setting it on the table in the room. 

“I don’t know, I can’t see.” Iggy held the lockbox over his head, the simple padlock hanging down and being licked at by the flames coming off of Miguel. “I’m glad I brought my gloves, though, you’re extra on fire today!"

“Aw, thanks, buddy!” He grinned, then gasped as he felt something drip onto his head. Miguel reached up and pulled a small bit of molten metal out of the fire and popped into his mouth. With a thoughtful expression, he nodded. “That’s brass. We’re through!”

Iggy yanked the box away and put it on the table, dug their fingers in, and…

“Miguel?"

“Yeah?” 

“I think we welded it shut.”

**7 MINUTES**

“Yeah, we welded it shut.”

“Well, uh… shit.”

“...”

“...”

**9 MINUTES**

“...”

“...We should try one of the other lockboxes, right? Surely they’ll let us out if we do four out of five, right?” asked Miguel. 

“Yeah, uh… 80 percent is a passing grade. Or at least it was when I went to HCC… I don’t know how much the curriculum has changed or anything,” Iggy mused. “Okay, so, um. Let’s get looking for keys.”

“Right! Oh, that’s a great idea, switching tactics.”

“Miguel, were you going to just try melting another lock?”

“Hey, don’t rule it out just cause it failed the first time!”

Iggy sighed and smiled, and started walking around the room. They took in the strange patterns across the cabinets, the nature of the locks on each of the lockboxes, a handful of strange compartments around the room… and shook their head.

“I got nothing,” grumbled Iggy, walking over and sitting down. Miguel swiveled in her chair, ending up with her legs up over the back and her head hanging down towards the floor. She looked up at Iggy with a sigh.

“How long have we been in here?” he asked.

“I don’t know. Like two hours,” replied Iggy. “I’m gonna take a look at the locks again.”

“Okay, knock yourself out.”

As Iggy stood up, Miguel narrowed his eyes, looking to the cabinets and their odd designs. “Hey… was one of those locks a number lock?"

“Uhhh…” Iggy grabbed the lock and looked at it. “Yeah. Three digits, looks like it goes from 0-9.”

“Right…” Miguel pointed. “There’s a 4 written in the pattern over there. And… I can’t… really make out the rest.”

Iggy glanced down, and craned their head to look. “Oh. OH! You’re a genius! How do we read the rest?”

**12 MINUTES**

“Is that good?” Iggy held Miguel up, dangling by the ankles. Miguel supported herself with her hands, shifting slightly and squinting.

“Can we get a little bit to the left?”

“Okay, okay, how’s… that?” they asked, taking a few steps and carrying Miguel with them

“Back to the right a touch,” he replied, which made Iggy groan.

“Come on, my arms are starting to get tired.”

“Oh! I think I see it! It’s… it’s 420!”

“Nice!” Iggy cheered, throwing their hands in the air, and only realizing their mistake after they heard Miguel crash to the floor. “Oh, shit, sorry!” they exclaimed.

“Ow, I’m- no, I’m okay! But we got the code, Iggy, we’re geniuses!” He scrambled to his feet, ignoring the scorch marks on the ground.

“Right!” Iggy moved over to the lock and spun the dials, putting in the code 4-2-0. With a satisfying CLICK, the lock popped open, and the pair peered inside. What they found was a small key with a red tag, and a strange grid pattern code sheet. Miguel took the key and went to the door, having no success opening the exit with it. Iggy glanced at her and held the sheet up. 

“So can you read tic tac toe?”

**20 MINUTES**

“Fuck it. What if we just busted the lock open?” asked Iggy.

“I dunno…” Miguel shrugged. “What can it hurt?” She walked over to another lock box, picked it up, and threw it on the ground as hard as possible. Upon inspection, it appeared she’d bent the lock a little bit. He looked at Iggy, and slowly nodded.

**22 MINUTES**

“TAKE THAT!” Iggy yelled as he hurled a box against the wall.

“OPEN SESAME!” cried Miguel as he smacked another off the table. The one they opened earlier, plus another one they’d managed to brute force sat on a countertop to the side. 

"They’re gonna need a little more, Miguel!” called Iggy, turning towards their teammate.

“Right there with you!” Miguel turned in sync. The pair raised their lockboxes- Miguel threw his across the room as hard as he could, and Iggy swung like he hadn’t swung in seasons, both boxes cracking open with a loud collision. The pair cheered and moved in to collect their winnings. From four lockboxes, they’d found four keys with a different color tag, and Iggy had deduced that these four keys needed to go to the four keyholes on the final (and largest) lockbox. They took turns putting the keys in and turning them, opening them for their grand prize…

**22 MINUTES (outside)**

“Lars, what do you have there?” Velasquez raised his eyebrow. Lars turned and looked down at their hands, then back up. 

“Uh. It’s a bowl of Sandy’s chili. Did you want some?” asked Lars.

“No, I meant-” Velasquez pointed at one of Lars’ phantom hands, around the finger of which a key-ring with a single key on it was twirling.

“Oh! That’s the key from the escape room, the last one. Why?”

“...” Velasquez slowly looked to the escape room’s door. “Well… shit.”

**22 MINUTES (back inside again)** ****  
  


“Uh. Do you think this box is supposed to be empty, Iggy?"

“Maybe it’s another puzzle.” Iggy reached in and punched the bottom, wincing. “Okay, no. No false bottom or anything. Ow."

“Uhhh… maybe the real way to escape were the friends we made along the way?”

“We’ve been friends the whole time, that’s not it.”

“Ohhhh, yeah, that makes sense.”

“If we put our minds to it, we can do anything,” stated Iggy. The pair began to pace, walking around the room. “Think… think…”

**31 MINUTES**

Velasquez walked up to the escape room door with Zackie and Lars in tow. 

"Alright Lars, you gotta apologize once we get them out of there,” he stated. “You’re lucky we gave Det a spare key.” He turned and went to put the key into the lock, but paused. “Hey, why is the doorknob hot?”

In a surge of motion, the door flew open- rather, flew apart as Iggy and Miguel finally pushed their heads through in a dual flaming headbutt. They stumbled and totally wiped out, phasing through Velasquez’ spectral form and crashing full force into Zack. Miguel leapt up and pointed to Velasquez.

“Asphodel, quick, what’s our time?” she asked as Iggy pulled themself off the ground.

“Uhhh…” Velasquez took a moment to compose himself, then looked over to the side and picked up the stopwatch he had left running. “Looks like… 31 minutes and… 23 seconds…”

“Wow…” Lars looked into the smoke filled room. “Did you have different puzzles than us or something? You really tore the place apart…”

“Wait, if I heard you right-” Iggy beamed and looked to Miguel. “We did it! We won! We’re the greatest escape artists in Hellmouth, Utah!” The pair cheered, hugged, celebrated, all as a curious Lars, an exasperated Zack, and a beleaguered Velasquez checked out the damages to the room.

The Hellmouth Sunbeams had planned to set up and do one escape room on the ninth day of every week for the Grand Siesta. After the first one, the consensus was that maybe they should just go back into the labyrinth.


End file.
